There is no possible way to prepare for childbirth. I believe this to be a fact. It doesn’t matter how much time you devote to learning about childbirth, nothing will prepare you for what is about to happen. The truth about giving birth- The

There are however a few things that need not be a surprise on the day.

1. The Mucus Plug.

The Mucus Plug has a terrifically bad name, and rightly so as it is gross. The mucus plug is a gigantic ball of mucus that plugs up the cervix to make sure nothing bad can get to your baby. Think of it like an army of protective boogers.

There is a mucus plug inside every pregnant woman and that mucus plug has to come out in order for the baby to escape.

Where and when and how the mucus plug comes out can give doctors a good indication of when labor is expected. Keep track of your mucus plug and take note of when you loose it. The mucus p

If you are wondering if something is the mucus plug or not - then chances are it is not. You will definitely know it when you see it.

2. Something will go wrong.

Every birth is traumatic.

There is no such thing as an easy childbirth. A Trauma, by definition, is an event that is both disturbing and distressing. It is shocking, painful, alarming, upsetting, unknown, strange and something that takes a long time to recover from.

Something strange and weird and worrying will happen. I have never spoken to a women who said ‘oh my labor was fine and everything was fine, the end.’

3. You will still look pregnant.

After the baby comes, there is still a jelly like tummy that flaps around on your tummy for a while. You may still look completely pregnant, if not very very fat still. This will settle once your uterus begins to contract, but it will take time.

Expect a few weeks before you look like a regular fat person again, instead of a pregnant fat person.

4. There is always more blood.

It is hard to describe how much blood will flow after the baby is born.

Unless you have had a baby or a miscarriage before, then you really don’t have any idea of how much you are about to bleed. There is always blood afterward. There is a lot of blood. And the blood is normally chunky. The bleeding can go on for a month.

I tried to explain it to my friend like this, ‘Imagine you are bleeding down your legs, and the blood gets to the floor and starts to pool around your feet.’ This actually happened to me three times.

I lost so much blood I thought I was dying and pushed the medical emergency button.

When the midwives arrived they look at the blood, looked around, and asked me what had happened. I pointed down, im bleeding!! - Oh! that’s all pretty normal, we thought something bad had happened. They said to shower, get changed and someone will come and clean it up.

5. It is a busy time

Here is the weirdest thing ever. After you have a baby, you still need to brush your teeth, go to the toilet and wash your face.

Doctors visiting lactation. It is not just a time to lay around and

You still have to brush your teeth go to the toilet and get to bed. That magic moment, wonderful as it is, only lasts a few minutes, and then you have to stand up, get off the bed to make room for someone else’s magical moment.

6. You will be awake for 36 hours. 

Believe me. I am not making this up. From the beginning of labor to the end of breast feeding, you are looking at about a day and half of awake time. There is nothing you can do to prepare for this extreme exhaustion, but knowing it is coming can offer a little support.

You probably won’t sleep at all the first 24/36 hours. With pre-labor, labor delivery, post delivery care, breastfeeding, cuddling and calling family - you probably won’t sleep. This will be alright for you as the lady - But it will totally wreck your (male or supportive female) partner.

During the first week of my babies life I slept about 1 to 2 hours in a 24 hour cycle for about a week. This is because there was so much to do. I did not worry about the baby, we were fine. But i flipped out when others (grown adults) put unreasonable expectations on me.

7. There is a lot of small talk and a lot of getting to know everyone’s names.

This surprises many pregnant couples, just how much time is spent meeting people, making small talk and remembering their names. If you are good with names then you need not worry, but if you struggle to remember names, write them down.

There is no buying the kind of care you will receive from a midwife who knows you appreciate them.

8. Driving home from the hospital will take about 3 hours.

Yeap. Or actually all day. It is a slow process. You need to pack your bags, pack your babies bags, get dressed, get them dressed, get out of the hospital, get to the car, pack them in the car, repack them in the car, take photos of packing them in the car.

Get in the car yourself, take a deep breath and kiss each other and acknowledge the momentous occasion, drive at 40km all the way back to your house, stop every few blocks to hold their head up straight, worry about the angle of their neck, check they are still breathing. Take pictures of your baby in the car for the first time.

Then park the car, or drop your partner and the baby off and go park the car, walk down the drive way, find the keys you havent used or even thought about in 4 days, open the door, walk strangely into the house and then take 50 more photos.

Its exciting, but it takes a long time.