Feature image from LONELYCANOECARD
Happy mothers Day everyone. In the article
While being a mother is amazing, Mothers day is probably the biggest pile of poo ever invented. Yes, that’s right, mothers day was invented!In the article
For those of you out there who are mothers, you don’t really NEED a mothers day. You already have the present!
For those of you out there who aren’t mothers and want to be, its one of the hardest days of your life. Perhaps you are struggling to fall pregnant, or even just struggling to menstruate. Perhaps you are suffering from pregnancy loss, still born, or infant loss. Perhaps your child has passed away. Perhaps you are waiting for an adoption to go through, or perhaps you have just lost custody of your child (ok, so yes you would still technically be the parent, but let’s assume its a pretty heartbreaking time none the less) All of these things are horrible and heartbreaking and we are so so very sorry for your loss. If you are not a mother, for whatever reason,
But we are even more sorry that MOTHERS DAY EXISTS!!
On Valentines day, many people on social media go out of their way to support the single and loveless through this horrible holiday. There are so many posts about the love less, so many pimages shared on instagram about how you shouldn’t let valentines day get you down if you and your husband actually fight all the time.
On Mother’s day, no one really seems to acknowledge that it is the hardest thing on earth for people without kids who want them.
This mothers day I would like to raise awareness of a very little known fact about miscarriage and pregnancy loss.
Everyone knows about post natal depression. It’s that thing that mothers get right?
Wrong. It’s actually more common in women who have suffered miscarriage or pregnancy loss. Post Natal depression has a strong link with the hormonal fluctuations and changes that happen after pregnancy. When women carry a healthy baby to term, these changes are more easily managed with breastfeeding hormones huge surges in love hormones and having everyone on earth come and tell them their baby is beautiful.
But what about when there is no baby.
A miscarrying mother will still go through the huge pregnancy hormonal fluctuations of a woman who has given birth - without all the good stuff, without all the family support, without all the online social media help, without all the breast feeding hormones, without all the seretonin, without their partner telling them how strong and brave they were ever five seconds.
= Post Natal Depression without a baby.
In the article MOTHERS WITH POST NATAL MENTAL ILLNESS NEED ALL THE HELP WE CAN GIVE THEM (July 7th SMH, Australia) I could not help but look at one word, Mothers. What about the people with Post Natal depression who don’t have a baby. It seems like they are hit twice.
Probably goes unnoticed and is all just bundled into the shit bag called grief.
Did you know - Sleep deprivation can trigger mental illness. I liked this sentence
13 THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT GRIEF AFTER BABY LOSS,
Losing a baby though miscarriage, elective termination, stillbirth, childbirth, after a NICU stay, SIDS, or any other time is, without a doubt, one of the most difficult experiences that a parent will ever endure.
“Any time a body goes from being pregnant to not being pregnant, there is a significant shift in hormones that can affect brain chemistry. Postpartum depression, anxiety, and other mood disorders can affect a mom regardless of the point at which a baby is delivered. You are likely in a position where you need to process through grief while also having a vulnerable brain chemistry. This can make the experience of healing feel impossible for many.”
This is interesting -i never thought of this before - Lots of people have never heard of this before. Identity shifting is a huge piece of the postpartum experience for every new parent, and yet moms who lose their babies are not able to show the world their mother-ness.
Identity shifting is a huge piece of the postpartum experience for every new parent, and yet moms who lose their babies are not able to show the world their mother-ness. They have become a mother, but in secret.
After a miscarriage you go back to the person you were before the pregnancy. you think you are about to be a mother and then you aren’t. It is a huge identiy shift. You do not move forward, you go
You do not move forward, you go backwards.
I am writing all of this because I know how it feels.
And every year I can feel my blood boil as Mothers day comes around. I am a mother now. But there were many years when I wasn’t, when Mothers day used to break me in half with how little people seemed to care about pregnancy loss, baby loss and how non mother’s would be suffering the entire day.
If Valentines day can become a day of ‘LOVE’ including friendships Gal-entines, family and pets - Then surely Mothers day could become simply a day of mothering and caring, in all it’s forms; in friendship, lady love, fmaily and pets.