Baby Shower for a Friend Who Lost her Child

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Feature image from REFINERY

Baby Shower after a Miscarriage.

For anyone who has gone through a miscarriage, a subsequent pregnancy comes with a lot of emotions.

The most complicated might be your feelings about the Baby Shower. How to handle all your friend’s excitement?

I have no idea actually how you handle it, but this post is about acknowledging the fact that it is a really complicated time.  You might be up and down, all over the place.

I am currently 14 weeks pregnant after the loss of a baby.  I’ve had a lot of issues with having a baby shower.  I wanted one, and then I didn’t want one.I was so excited for my baby shower until it came around.  And then I panicked.  I wasn’t sure how to handle it, what to wear, I didn’t want to go.  I felt like a fraud who had made the whole pregnancy up.

I was so excited for my baby shower until it came around and then I panicked. I wasn’t sure how to handle it, what to wear or how to act. I didn’t want to go. I felt like a fraud. Here is what I’m doing…

Keep it small and Keep it real

Make sure everyone on the guest list knows where you’re at.  If that means you need to keep it small, then don’t worry.  Your guests should all know your history, and you should be able to relax. The last thing you want to do it have to pretend you’re happy when you want to cry.

That way, whatever happens at the Baby Shower, you will be safe to feel whatever you want to feel.

Whoever is organising the baby should run all the plans past your first.A regular baby shower can contain as many surprises as you like, but in this case, you to be should be very involved in the planning.

What can friends do?

Don’t pretend the other baby never existed.

Ask the new mother how she is feeling, and then wait more than 1 minute.  Chances are she will initially answer fine.  And then in the coming moments tell you how she is really feeling.

Wait until after the baby is born

It can feel too morbid, if there is no baby shower and no plans for the future, then it can feel like you are simply expecting the worst.  “This time I’m having a good pregnancy, 33 wks along and they plan on inducing at 37 wks.

“This time I’m having a good pregnancy, 33 wks along and they plan on inducing at 37 wks. This time it’s a boy and all along I’ve said no baby shower out of fear. Now I’m feeling kind of guilty for not celebrating him and trusting his healthy arrival. I was thinking of having a shower in 3 wks after a friend offered.”  FORUM

Looking forward.

Remember it is a time to make new happy memories, no matter what the future brings.

Having another Baby Shower,

The general rule about baby showers is that you only have one.  Which actually makes it less about the baby and more like a ‘becoming parents’ party.  But what if you had a baby shower, and then a stillbirth.  Can you have another baby shower?  I say Yes!  even more important for that person than anyone else.

“The only time I’ve ever had a baby shower was the pregnancy that ended in my DD being born still at 40 weeks. I don’t want that to be my one and only memory of a baby shower that was my own just because of the outcome.”



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