When do you Become a Mother? When do you stop?

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Feature image from HEIDILOUISE

When does a woman become a mother?  I have been wondering this for a while.  The only way to figure out the answer to this questions is to define what exactly a mother is?  A mother in it’s simplest form is a female parent.

Many people would argue that a mother is made at the moment of conception and that as soon as there is a baby there is also a mother.  This would mean therefore that you can be a mother and not even know about it.  Just as fathers can be fathers without their awareness?

That doesn’t sit well with me.  The answer to the question, what is a mother, is far more beautiful and interesting than that.  I believe that a woman becomes a mother the moment she is conscious of the child and considers that child in her decision-making process; whether or not her choice is to carry that baby to term.

You decide to become a mother, it is not forced upon you.  I believe a mother is made the moment a woman sets out to adopt a child, fills in the forms, pays the bribes and seeks out that child, doing all in her power to get that baby home safely – those are the actions of a mother.

To me, Mother is a verb not a noun; to act maternally:  A mother does not have to have carried or given birth to the child in order to be its mother.

It is an act that you must do in order to keep the title.  If a woman is not living with any awareness of her child, without thought of the child and without conscious choices being made that include the child, then I don’t think they qualify.

From the moment you consider the child in your decision making, that is when it happens, that is when a mother is born.  The first time to put down the wine, when you purchase folic acid, when you head to the doctor, when you seek out information to better care for your baby – That is when you become a mother.  

The first moment you choose something – with consideration to your child.  You are acting, I believe as a pretty good mother.  A woman with a baby does not always equal a mother.

So what does this mean if your baby dies?

Do you stop being a mother?

4 thoughts on “When do you Become a Mother? When do you stop?

  1. They say a woman becomes a mother the moment she finds out she’s pregnant and a man becomes a a father the moment he see’s the baby.

  2. Thank you for the good writeup. I recently suffered an early pregnancy loss. I felt like I became a mother the first time I took a Pregnancy vitamin with folic acid.

  3. I think once you’re a mother you never stop being a mother. That’s why there is no other word for it, even if you lose your children.

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