Feature image from HUFFINGTON POST
There are few things more painful than discovering you have lost a much wanted and anticipated pregnancy. There is no process or order of events to follow. There is no socially acceptable grieving process. There is no ritual of farewell. You don’t know what to do. Your week is suddenly full of Doctor’s appointments and you go from being a pregnant woman to a sick woman in an instant. You will likely need surgery or at least an invasive and painful examination.
Miscarriages are sudden. They are shocking and they mostly happen in silence. You go from being a pregnant woman to a sick woman in an instant. Your partner rubbed your body and marveled at your tummy, you whispered conspiratory congratulations to each other and then Boom! You are just a normal woman who is bleeding more than she thought possible; passing gigantic black clots on the toilet while she sits there with her phone googling “When should I go to Emergency?” You are thrust back into your pre-pregnant life only now you are grieving, depressed, terrified and fatter than you used to be.
The only thing worse than a miscarriage is probably the silence, discomfort, stigma and inaction that exists around miscarriage.
1 in 5 (or 4 depending on which website) of pregnancies will end in a loss. No one knows what to say. No one knows how to act. None of your friends know how to help and most people try to pretend it never happened. Pregnancy and newborn loss happens all the time. It is amazing and still so shocking how little we talk about miscarriage, and how tabo the subject still is. Even when we do talk about it, we use all the wrong words.
‘Miscarriage’ is a verb, not a noun. A miscarriage is a process, not an event.
A miscarriage lasts for weeks. Having a miscarriage is something women do all the time, while they are out for dinner, shopping, working, sitting at their desk. Miscarriages don’t happen in the privacy of your bathroom. That is where they begin. But miscarriages can and do happen everywhere – all the time. They are carried with women as they go to the doctor’s office, to the hospital, to the school pick up to mothers groups and christamas day; and on holidays and nightclubs
If a friend of your tells you she has had a miscarriage two weeks ago, what she means is she is still bleeding – right now – while she is speaking to you, and will probably continue to bleed for two more weeks.
So it is time to change.
It’s time we learned how to talk about miscarriage.
…And these Miscarriage and Pregnancy loss cards are a wonderful fucking start.
Let’s all buy them and send them out as Christmas Cards.